


Opposites Repel

by allonsytotumblr



Category: Dragonlance - Margaret Weis & Tracy Hickman
Genre: F/M, Humor, Married Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-14
Updated: 2017-09-12
Packaged: 2018-04-20 16:47:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4794893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allonsytotumblr/pseuds/allonsytotumblr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A terrifying look at the married life of Raistlin and Crysania. Inspired by Opposites Attract? By Undead Ballerina on fanfiction.net</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Opposites Attract?](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/144335) by Undead Ballerina. 



AN: I hope I can do half as well as Undead Ballerina did when she wrote the tragically unfinished Opposites Attract. I highly recommend it.

 

One night in the Tower of High Sorcery....

Crysania: We're going to watch a musical.

Raistlin: Great suffering gods, another one? Well, I guess I did enjoy Sweeney Todd.

Crysania: That was awful! It had cannibalism!

Raistlin: And Assassins.

Crysania: Psychopaths! Anyway, you'll like this one; it's about you.

Raistlin: Excellent.

Crysania: And me.

Raistlin: Not so excellent.

Crysania ignores him and pushes play. They watch as the TV Raistlin sings Aria of the Mage.

Crysania: He's quite nice looking.

Raistlin: He is an undignified player, not fit to portray me.

Crysania, elbowing him: Shh!

They watch the on screen adventures of themselves, including the scene where Crysania attempts to kiss Raistlin and is refused.

Crysania: I remember us doing a bit more than that...

She kisses Raistlin.

Raistlin: You are incorrect as usual, Revered Daughter, it was more like....

They kiss with more passionately, falling off the couch.

Tasslehoff, popping up from behind said couch: Hello!!

Raistlin and Crysania pick themselves up and glare at the kender.

Raistlin: What are you doing here? This tower is supposed to be impregnable!

Tas: Yeah, I don't know what that means but there's this mage with a teleporting device, not the Device of Time Journeying, another one, and he dropped it and just as I went to give it back to him, I thought of some news I should tell you: Palin and Usha got married!

Crysania: Oh Palin, I remember him! Who's Usha?

Raistlin: Just a girl who-

Tas: Raistlin's daughter!

The temperature drops violently.

Crysania, to Raistlin: WHAT!? You have a daughter?!

Raistlin drags Tas to the door and flings him outside. He turns to a furious Crysania.

Crysania: Who's her mother?

Raistlin: No one, I mean I don't know because-.

Crysania: You didn't even KNOW her?! You are sleeping on the couch tonight.

Raistlin , collecting himself: I'm not sleeping on the couch, it was my bed before you came, YOU sleep on the couch.

Crysania: Fine!

Several hours later....

Raistlin approaches Crysania who pretends she's asleep.

Raistlin: You know, if she is my daughter then Palin's married his cousin and that would be gross.

Crysania ignores him with all the fury of an angry woman.

Raistlin: And apparently she's really nice and beautiful and clever so...

Crysania: Yeah, that really doesn't sound like you. I guess she's probably not your daughter.

Raistlin: Yes, that's what I was trying to tell you, honesty, you're being as thick as my brother. Now will you please come back to bed?

Crysania: Well, I didn't know I was so instrumental to you falling asleep.

Raistlin: Well gods know you're not, but it's freezing up there.

Crysania, standing up: You're so romantic.

Unbeknownst to our protagonists, they are watched by the god of magic. Two of them, anyway.

Solinari: Mortals are so cute. Don't you agree, sister?

Lunitari: Ehh. Abruptly and completely changing the subject: where's our other cousin?

Solinari: I think he was chasing some mortal woman without much success.

Lunitari, looking like Yule has come early: A MORTAL?! Wonderful, let's watch.

AN: If you have any ideas for what I should write about next, please let me know. Please review. The next chapter is better, I think.


	2. Chapter 2

AN: Norcyla is not my creation, she belongs to Undead Ballerina. She is a red robe with purple hair. She happened to stay at the Inn of the Last Home and Nunitari ran into her and fell in love.

Solinari and Lunitari watch the so far unsuccessful wooing of Norcyla.

A red robed mage walks through the valley wood forest, away from Solace. She is pursued by the goth but hot looking god of dark magic.

Nunitari: Listen though, I really am a god!

Norcyla: So you keep saying.

Nunitari, grabbing her hand: Come with me, you lovely woman!

Nunitari uses his godly teleportation magic, and they materialize on the steps of the Tower of High Sorcery in Palanthas. 

Norcyla, looking around her: Well, that was kind of cool. Although it could have been a version of the Span Land and Time spell which is a pretty easy spell.

Nunitari: But look where we are!

He makes a dramatic sweeping motion

Nunitari: The Tower of High Sorcery! Could you reach that with the Span Land and Time spell, my lady?

Norcyla, forgetting to act disinterested: Wow, can we go inside?

Nunitari: Of course, it is MY Tower after all, no matter what that little golden upstart says.

This statement inflames Lunitari.

Lunitari: His Tower! HIS TOWER! It is not 'HIS tower' I-

Solinari: Of course not, sister, do be quiet, I can't hear.

Nunitari opens the door, reveling the inside of the Tower, in all its gloom. The two look around, examining the artifacts of dark magic as well as other, more everyday objects.

Nunitari, picking up a red sequined robe: I wonder what THIS is?

Norcyla: Shouldn't there be guardians or something?

Nunitari: Yes, well, as I've said, I AM the god of dark magic. This has its privileges such as not being harassed by glowing eyes. Shall we see the next floor?

Norcyla follows him, reading a spell book she's picked up.

Norcyla: You certainly can't buy spell books like THIS everywhere. Like, this is a spell for disembowling someone. 

They reach a door at the top of the stairs. 

Nunitari: This may be Pit of Despair. I haven't been here in a while.

The god opens the door, walking in on, not torture, but Raistlin and Crysania.

Raistlin shoves Crysania off him and she tumbles off the side of the bed.

Raistlin, trying to look dignified: Who the HELL are you? Fireball!

He shoots flames at the newcomers. Nunitari gallantly steps in front of Norcyla, and effortlessly diverts these.

Nunitari: I am Nunitari, god of dark magic, your PATRON god, I might add. You want fire? I'll give you fire!

His entire form ignites and he moves threateningly toward Raistlin.

Raistlin, wrapping himself in sheets and kneeling down: My god! I didn't recognize you!

Nunitari: Obviously. Are you this...intimate with all your apprentices or just her?

Crysania stands up from behind the bed, also wearing improvised clothes made from sheets and glares at him.

Crysania: I'm his WIFE!

Nunitari: Are you? My condolences, Raistlin. Anyway this has been a routine magic check, just looking in on some of my followers. 

Norcyla, stepping out from behind Nunitari: Raistlin?!

Raistlin, standing up: That's Master of the Past and Present to you.

Norcyla: Do you take apprentices? Because I'm a red robe, like you used to be, but I could always change my allegiance if it bothered you. And you were always my favorite hero of the lance. 

She smiles at Raistlin.

Lunitari again interrupts.

Lunitari: Horrid, fickle woman. She'd look terrible in black.

Crysania, glaring at her: He does have an apprentice. And his apprentice has five ever bleeding holes in his chest thanks to Raistlin, so you might want to reconsider your suit.

Nunitari, breaks in on the awkward silence: Well, we'll leave you to your assignation. 

He and Norcyla vanish, reappearing on the Tower's steps.

Norcyla: That was Raistlin! I got to meet him, thank you!

The magess realizes she's still holding the spell book she picked up.

Norcyla: I'll take this as a souvenir. I can use the disemboweling spell on the next person who laughs at my hair.

Nunitari, looking admiringly at her: Have I mentioned how much I like your violent tendencies? 

Norcyla: Yes, repeatly. 

Nunitari: So, may I see you again?

Norcyla: Fine. You're not entirely awful.

The other two gods of magic watch in shock.

Lunitari: I can't believe it! The little turd's got himself a date!

She looks horrified and shocked, in equal measure.

Solinari: A remarkable event. I'm sure Astinus made a note of it.

Back outside the Tower...

Nunitari tentatively moves closer to Norcyla. He reaches up a hand and pushes back some of her purple hair.

Lunitari, watching with horrified fascination: What on Krynn is he doing?!

Solinari: I think he's going to kiss her. I dare you to materialize right between them.

Lunitari: Haha, no. I don't have that much of a death wish.

Suddenly Nuntari and Norcyla are illuminated by a bright light. Raisltin has switched on the Tower's porch light.

Nunitari glares at the Tower's darkened windows. 

Nunitari: I trust you can find your own way home. 

He disappears in a cloud of black smoke. Norcyla follows a second later.

The two tower residents watch from their window.

Crysania: You really didn't need to do that.

Raistlin: I really did. It's not every day you get to embarrass your patron god. The woman he was with was rather nice, I supposed I could take an apprentice...

Crysania: Absolutely not. That creepy elf living downstairs in bad enough. Anyway, forgetting that strange interruption, let stet back to what we were doing.

She climbs back on the bed.

Raistlin: Eh, forget it. I'm tired.

Crysania: I don't know why I stay with you sometimes, DARLING.

Raistlin: Possibly because you live in an accursed tower surrounded by a haunted grove that makes leaving quite difficult.

Crysania: Oh yes, that's it. How could I ever forget?

She turns off the light, leaving Raistlin to find his way back to bed in the dark.

A loud crash is heard.

Raistlin: Ow! Since when was there a table there?!

Crysania: Good night, dearest.


	3. Chapter 3

Spring has come to Krynn. Baby animals, warm weather, all that good stuff. Even in the Tower a relatively peaceful state had been achieved. This is not to last.

Crysania, walking into Raistlin's study: I am pregnant.

Usually, when Raistlin is reading or doing anything magic related, he is hard to get through to, however, not this time.

Raistlin, turning extremely pale, which makes his skin a strange, pale gold color: Pregnant?!? But why? I mean- why? Why? WHY?

Crysania, staring at him in much the same manner a predatory animal does before it kills its prey: Four excellent questions. All of which have the same answer: we do, occasionally, have sex.

Raistlin, trying to collect himself: Do we really? It must not be very exciting; I can't remember a time in the recent past-

Crysania, cutting him off: I did NOT come here to discuss how I am in bed, which I assure you is FINE! Not that you'd have anything to compare it to, because no girl in Solace would have EVER-

Raistlin: Alright! Fine. You're pregnant. Wonderful. Is that all?

Crysania, coldly: Yes.

She turns to leave, adding,

Crysania: I would have though you'd be happy about it, you'll have some innocent person to corrupt. 

She stalks out and almost collides with Dalamar who has been standing outside the door.

Dalamar, breaking the tension: A message came from your brother.

He holds out a letter.

A look of triumph flashes across Crysania's face.

Raistlin's face has the look of someone who has reached their utter limit of tolerance.

Raistlin: What do you mean: a message from my brother?

Crysania takes the letter from Dalamar's hand.

Crysania: I invited him and his family to visit us. I DO hope you don't mind. I wouldn't want to upset you in ANY WAY. 

Dalamar: Seriously, have you guys ever thought about, like, counseling?

The couple turns to glare at the elf.

Raistlin: Says you, the one in the purely physical relationship with the centuries younger girlfriend. The 'holes in your chest if you displease me' thing is still in effect.

Dalamar: Fine! Fine! I was just trying to help. I'll go feed the Live Ones. 

He slinks out.

Raistlin, calling out after him: You could give them chunks of your flesh. They'd like that.

Crysania, opening the letter: Your brother and his family are all coming as well as, Kitiara? 

Raistlin: For the love of everything that is good and holy, WHY? Why do I have to see them? Why are you pregnant? Why?!

Crysania, ignoring this: She says she want to gawk at your married life.

Raistlin lets his head fall forwards on to the table.

Raistlin: Oh my gods, why?

Crysania: That seems to be a popular word with you today. They're coming in two weeks. 

She shuts the door victoriously.

 

AN: The 'why, why,why,why?" Thing is from Cabin Pressure. Please review!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone, I will no longer be updating this story anymore. If anyone else would like to continue this, go for it! If you want more, go read Opposites Repel, by Undead Ballerina. That is the story that inspired this.

It has been almost two weeks since Crysania's announcement. Raistlin has dealt with it by violent internal denial and pretending it doesn't exist. After all, nine months is a long time is walking up the Tower's stairs when she almost trips over a cat and five kittens.

Crysania: Cats! Where'd you come from? I didn't know this Tower had any normal animals.

There are, of course, abnormal animals: the Live Ones, the Dead Ones and whatever's at the bottom of that large, dark hole that won't stop screaming.

Crysania: Perhaps they're Raistlin's?

She enters the library, the cats trailing behind her.

Raistlin, looking up: Oh gods, it's not twins is it?

Crysania makes quite a rude remark about his parentage.

Crysania: Anyway, are these yours?

Raistlin puts down the copy of How to be a Compelling Emo Villain Without Overdoing It.

Raistlin: I see you're speaking to me again?

Crysania: I was speaking to you before, I just happened not to have anything to say.

Raistlin, eyeing her skeptically: I see. So you just 'happened' to roll yourself up in all the blankets and lie on the far side of the bed every night as well? You usually take all the blankets but that's after you fall asleep, not before.

Crysania: Yes. So, back to my question: are these cats yours?

Raistlin: Of course not. I'm an archmage; I don't need cats! They must have wandered in here by accident.

This does not convince his wife.

Crysania: That's odd, seeing as how nothing can get to this Tower because of the surrounding Grove.

Suddenly, one of the cats changes color, from gray to turquoise, in a flash of smoke.

Raistlin, before Crysania can say anything: One of my spells went wrong and these appeared. They seem normal except for the mutating colors.

The kittens are climbing all over Crysania's feet and clinging to the hem of her dress adoringly, while the mother cat watches them.

Raistlin: Of course they like you better. I feed them, protect them from all the carnivorous predators in this Tower and they abandon me. Ungrateful little...

He trails off, crushed by the rejection of his feline comrades.

Crysania: Do they have names?

Raistlin, grudgingly: Orange, Black, White, Grey, Tan, and Larger. I named them before they began shaper shifting. Not that it's any of your business, you cat stealer.

Crysania, who is now sitting down, playing with the cats: Karma. Sweet, sweet karma.


End file.
